OUTFITS: Can you dress in 'soft' clothes without looking soft?
A conversation between Sophie and Annie about our changing relationship to clothes and our bodies.
When women have babies, their bodies go from being admired to admonished overnight.
It’s the ultimate bait-and-switch: one day, you and your nine-month-old belly are the subject of the sort of social tolerance that we ordinarily only dream of. Doors are opened. Seats are vacated. Clothes are stretched without shame.
The next day, you and your newly deflated postpartum belly are the subject of social scrutiny. When will she lose the weight? Do you fit back into your jeans yet?
The guardrails on what is socially acceptable for pregnant bodies to look like have been moving ever since the iconic Demi Moore Vanity Fair cover story. Rihanna and the stylists and designers she works with redefined what pregnancy style could be.
You could argue that on either end of the pregnancy→postpartum spectrum, women’s bodies are being policed — being approved, judged, commented on. Watched.
But when it comes to postpartum bodies, there has been little in the way of social acceptance. Unrealistic expectations that your body should ‘bounce back’ are instantly put upon the new mother, cultivated over decades of media companies (both traditional and social) capitalising off our cultural obsession with womens’ thinness.
We both experienced this phenomenon in our own ways over the past few months as we’ve come to grips with how our bodies have morphed and changed as a result of having babies. And never have we both felt more at odds with our wardrobes and style.
All we want is to wear soft clothes that feel like a warm embrace, but we equally don’t want to lose our edge. Both literal or figurative.
Is it possible? Sophie set the challenge for us both to recreate a look that strikes the balance and, in the process, we DMd each other about the experience. You can read our conversation below, and scroll down further for more references and shoppable looks.
Sophie: I’ve been thinking so much about the fact that all I want to do is wear soft clothes since having Viv. The return to hard clothes feels impossible, for a multitude of reasons (changed body, clothes don’t fit, comfort etc) so I just end up wearing the same ‘fancy’ track pants and oversized mohair sweater I’ve been toting since my waters broke as it looks like I’ve semi tried. But I feel crap doing it.
Annie: Ugh I feel completely stuck in a rut too since giving birth. I thought it was hard to dress when I was heavily pregnant but the reality is it was so much easier than it is now. Between breastfeeding and not knowing how to dress for this softer belly, it’s confusing AF.
Sophie: Yeah, but I think it’s a mix between not knowing how to dress our new bodies as well as feeling so unbelievably self-conscious about the changes they’ve gone through.. that it clouds our judgment when trying to do so. Because we obviously know how to put a good outfit together, but I feel stunted by it.
Annie: I think it’s natural that you’d feel that way. The experience of early motherhood is a total metamorphosis! Your whole self is realigning, nothing feels quite right and then we also have this expectation to look a certain way. For you especially, as a stylist, it must feel like a lot of pressure (maybe internal pressure) to have a lot of certainty about how you’re getting dressed?
Sophie: 100%. The identity shakeup has been enough without even acknowledging that getting dressed / dressing people is what I usually get paid to do. I’ve actually found the process of putting this newsletter together really helpful in working out what my new (postpartum) style will be and it’s inspired me to want to get dressed again.. looking at clothing in a playful way rather than a chore. I’ve been referencing outfits that I think are cool but also that I think could work with a nice mix of hard and soft clothing so they don't feel uncomfortable or even unachievable. It’s gotta be wearable.
It’s also gotten me back into shopping my own wardrobe given the lack of funds I have at the moment. To be honest I’m finding it more interesting to dress this way anyway, the slick of Instagram and the continuous stream of *new* is so uninspiring and tiring.I’m getting so much more out of looks I see on the street or random people on Pinterest, and recreating them with my existing wardrobe.
I feel like a bit of a phony saying that — given we’re a community dedicated to helping people find new products. But my hope for homeroom is that we are assisting people in making more considered purchases. Filling the gaps in what they already have so that we can help make getting dressed a more enjoyable endeavour.
Annie: I’m so glad to hear that because all I want is references to help me shop my own wardrobe at the moment. Actually more than that. I need to feel a bit creatively pushed I think. Outside my comfort zone. To get out of this bloody rut I’m in. I want to feel excited about getting dressed in my new body.
The issue I’m having is that right now there’s like ZERO structure in any of the clothes I’m wearing (talk about art imitating life lol). Everything is very soft. Soft edges. Soft fabric. It’s all very homely. But I sort of hate the way I feel when I dress like that exclusively. There’s no bite to it.
What should I try to wear? Gimme an outfit.
Sophie: I feel you. Ok so my thought is that we slowly introduce one hard piece of clothing here and there. And by the way, this crisis of identity and therefore formula for dressing doesn’t just talk to postpartum dressing.. I had multiple crises a year pre-baby. I think it’s called being a woman. Dressing when you’re bleeding, when you’ve put on weight, lost weight, during a huge life event etc. etc.
I’m loving the layers of the blazer / cardi / tee ref. Nothing says I tried like layers. This chick is more street vibes but I think done your way you’d make it more chic, clean and minimalist gal. On a day off (ha) the cardi and tee is enough but add the blazer and I’ll be damned if you’re not getting shot on the street by Liz Sunshine. Most blazers at the moment are oversized and loose therefore a quasi soft-hard mix.
The real hard piece here is the denim. There is nothing more stressful than returning to denim postpartum. Or any time actually. Denim. Doesn’t. Lie. But I know you’ve already made the leap so I don’t feel bad in suggesting this look. Old denim doesn’t fit? Get yourself a new pair and get it tailored so you feel amazing when you wear it. Stop forcing yourself to fit the old pair. You’re different now. Your jeans should be different too if necessary. Upgrade, you deserve it.
Annie: Ok, so something like this?
I actually feel surprisingly good in this. I didn’t think I would because the denim and blazer combo is very ‘old’ me, but the fit on these is almost lounge-like so I don’t feel like I’ve moved too far away from the ultra soft and loose pieces I’ve been living in lately. I’m obviously not going to be wearing this while I’m schlepping about the house with BV, but I could wear this to meet you for lunch and not feel dishevelled or like an imposter in someone else’s clothes.
What about this for you?
A statement tee is very you. The blazer is obviously all about the fit to keep it feeling low key. But I feel like the other thing you do so well is add details - like layering jewellery - to turn a ho-hum outfit into something I’d save to my Pinterest board, ya know? How do you do that?! Actually, maybe jewellery is the ‘hard’ thing that could offset all the softness??
Sophie: It feels like I’m cheating with this ref as I LIVE in graphic tees, but it’s definitely a good way to ease me into real clothes again as I haven’t touched a blazer in months. I think she’s wearing some sort of denim in the reference but I’m not quite ready to suffocate my new tum so here’s my take.
I’ve been wanting to invest in a warmer toned blazer for ages but after raiding my partner’s wardrobe I now realise I don’t have to!!! I’ve stolen one of his Country Road men’s blazers and despite being far too big for me I really like the boxiness of it on me. I’ve added one of his belts to give it more proportion and structure too, which I think is the hard element for me here, as well as my boots. Clothes soft, accessories hard = solid outfit.
I tried it with my black blazer and definitely not as good / interesting. It’s actually felt bloody good to get dressed, I feel semi-human (SEMI).
And yes, jewellery is my get-out-of-jail-free card right now, adding some pearls or a bold earring to a tee is my MO. It’s my version of adding a lip. I’m really into the old-money jewellery look but on a budge.
Annie: I love!!! Ok now I need some more ideas — this is fun.
Sophie: Yep, I’ll pull some more ideas for hard-soft outfits and drop them below. I’ll do a spend version and a save version to make it easier to shop.
Reference: soft-ball jeans and a blazer (Annie’s outfit)
Reference: statement tee and necklace (Sophie’s outfit)
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