Three suggestions for rediscovering your style stripes after a big life change

Sophie's quick styling tricks... for when life comes at you fast.

In the past I would’ve considered myself somewhat of a maximalist when it came to style and dressing. I love colour, texture and print — all at once. And while my bowerbird tendencies haven’t changed, my life circumstances have (Annie wrote beautifully about this very topic here). In the last year or so I bought a house, had a baby, lost my income due to said baby and had several minor existential crises. All as I enter my late 30’s. While i’m grateful for all of it, it’s also been the biggest head fuck of a year in relation to my style and what the change means for my place within the fashion industry. As I approach our babe’s first birthday i’ve been engaging in a bit of mental upheaval in an attempt to feel good in clothes again when multiple factors are working against me. Because i’ve realised it’s my head that needs to evolve right now, not my wardrobe. While reflecting on what great style means to me I realised that i’m less often envious of what another person is dressing in, but how they’re wearing it. So perhaps that’s where the majority of the work is.

I’ve always had a healthy dose of insecurity when it comes to my place in fashion. I didn’t study it at university, nor pursue a career in editorial. I don’t analyse every runway post fashion week (I get the cliff notes) and I certainly don’t spend my wage on my wardrobe. Don’t get me wrong, I am very good at what I do and this isn’t to say I don’t love it, I just don’t always live it. And this has rung ever true in the past year — if I am getting dressed it means the house is a mess and my baby is still in his spaghetti soaked onesie from the day prior. I can’t have both.

Then there’s the budget constraints. How the hell are people affording to dress like this? In this economy? It has always seemed to me to be more affordable to dress in a minimalist aesthetic and in a way it is. By common definition, to dress minimally is to go by a ‘less is more’ mentality. Clean lines, neutral tones, less embellishments — meaning each piece is likely to pair easily with the next and outfit repeating is less obvious. But this is based on the idea that to dress maximally means to dress new all the time, and if you think about it this is absolutely insane and unrealistic (not to mention the cause of a huge environmental issue). But that is what both social media and the neverendingness of the fashion calendar tells me every single day.

While budget and lifestyle are very obvious contributors to what i’m wearing, it is also no coincidence that i’m having this crisis as I enter my late 30’s. As Annie referenced last week, quoting Anne Helen Peterson’s essay Are You In The Portal, “the weird spiritual / emotional / professional / transitional portal that women ages 37 to 45 are in” — we both agree we have very much entered the portal. Annie will much more eloquently explore this topic than I ever could so I shall leave that to her but what I can say is there’s been a very obvious shift in what I actually want to wear, a refinement to my looks. Also, i’ve noted that refinement is allowing me to feel more ‘done’, more efficiently. While there’s slightly less playfulness to my usual attire, i’m really welcoming the polish.

So instead of fighting the change, how do I learn to work with it? While i’ve entered this trying stage of life (and trust me, I know in comparison to many I am very privileged) where freedoms are minimal and dispensable income is non existent, this is also the stage that I’ve worked so hard to get to since becoming an ‘adult’. Rather than grit and bear these years and want for what I don’t have, how do I be in them while still looking and feeling good about myself?

I’ve actually been loving the influence of Substack on how I feel about fashion. While Instagram still feels like one never ending reel of fashion advertising and “full looks”, I feel the opposite is true of what i’m experiencing of my Substack feed. Yes of course there are many expensive designer recommendations for those that can afford and those that aspire, but they are complemented by real fashion, real outfits, real anecdotes and real crumpled-and-stained-well-loved-style. And that is making me feel so much more at home in both the industry and my wardrobe. I just needed a little reminder, and what better reminder than the hard truths of a crippling mortgage and a grotty fingered ankle biter.

Right. How am I going to do this? How do I get my style to better align with my taste when my lifestyle demands my outfits to be more functional (and efficient) than ever. When my budget requires me to re-wear and re-style? And be more discerning with purchasing than in the past? How will I feed the inner maximalist when circumstances require me to err on the side of classics and minimalism in order to get bang for buck within my existing wardrobe? And when the portal calls and throws me another existential crisis? Well I don’t have all of the answers but here is where I’m starting:

• Add an ‘unnecessary layer’: adding a piece that serves zero functional purpose, but adds interest to your outfit

• Create tension with an ‘off piece’: adding an item that’s a little weird / different / interesting in order to create tension and add interest to your look

• Go tonal on your doubtful days: if in doubt, keep it tonal

Thanks for being here with us.

Sophie & Annie xo

The ‘off piece'

She put makeup on!!!!

Cardigan / COS — $240

Necklace / COS — $89

Tank / BASSIKE — $130

Silk Pant / SAINT — $440 (

Black Bag / ASSEMBLY LABEL — SOLD OUT (Similar here, brown also very chic)

Yellow Bag / LONGCHAMP — $1310

Patent Loafer / OLD JEFFREY CAMPBELL — affordable option here, luxe forever version

Sandals / A.EMERY — $190

I couldn’t help myself with this COS cardigan, I had to purchase for a few reasons. As I spoke about last week, I love a fleck: less commitment than a print but brings equal the amount of texture and interest to a look. The double zip is interesting and allows for options when styling and the slouchy nature brings that element of casual cool I reach for with a more clean lined look. I’m wearing more black and neutrals than ever and I believe this may be both the economy talking as well as the portal as I crave a little polish amongst the mess.

I also need to speak about the pants briefly. I was gifted these by SAINT and I have not taken them off, I don’t accept gifts from brands unless I really feel they’ll work in my wardrobe and i’d be honestly happy to recommend them to people and these well and truly fit the bill. I’ve literally been wiping finger prints off with a baby wipe and they come out perfect. They also have a more affordable option here that i’ve heard amazing things about too.

What have I done here to create that tension I spoke of? While both examples are pretty subtle, the key is in the ‘off piece’. The COS necklace in the first look — it’s the Wilma Flinstone of it all. And my ginger Longchamp bag in the second. In an ideal world I would’ve added another element to these looks like a bag charm for more texture and tension but i’m yet to invest. I also love these and this one is cute too.

One last note about the footwear. I usually struggle with a loafer, which is why I tend to lean towards a slide or sandal if the weather allows but I think they work here because of the fluidity of the trouser. If it were a jean or a harder pant I think I would feel differently in them. Too stitched up. My hunt for a cold weather shoe comparative to a sandal continues — I want the relaxed nature and nudity of a slide, without freezing my tits (toes) off. I did end up purchasing the Nelson Made flat from last weeks Shopping List but they were huge on me and weren’t quite right. I’ll be trying on the Essēn option on again at Friends With Frank, as I stand by them working with a sock.

---

The unnecessary layer + the ‘off piece’ + tonal